My dog died...

My dog, Bubba Narcissus, went to the Bridge on Tuesday evening. And it really sucks...
For the story, go to my webpage

Friday

Yep, I'm glad it's Friday. I am also glad that I get to leave at 1pm (since I closed the Library on Tuesday). Lots of work to do, but what gets done, gets done. I need to do some weeding out of my stuff and take it to Goodwill and generally get stuff in order.

Pretty weird as I consider this Peace Corps thing- not sure if I could make it happen or, given my physical history, if I would be selected. But I do know that I can start making some changes that would be beneficial if I did try to do it.
1) Learn to speak Spanish- it would be useful to speak Spanish right here in AZ.
2) Learn to play my guitar- something I haven't done cuz its' hard and I don't practice.
3) Become a bicycle mechanic- useful for my own bikes, but I am sure that this is a skill people would appreciate in a developing country.
4) Go back to school

I was pretty amazed at the stuff I am learning about the Peace Corps. Although I believe that we need to take care of our people at home, learning more about the global issues surrounding poverty and conflict would help me to better understand culturally based problems and how they affect us at home. Interestingly, I may be able to take a leave of absence from my job to go (Federal employees can, so maybe State can too), which would be very cool.

NAU has a Peace Corps office and there is a Potluck with returning volunteers next week. I think I will go.

Two words...

Peace Corps. Thinking about it.

Still waiting...

...to get the car sold. Not one call from the newspaper ad. The asking price is Blue Book, so I am not asking too much. Need to get some pictures and post it on Cars.com...
A little mental fog today- I worked my regular 8-5 yesterday, then came back at 8:30 and closed the Library at 12. A long day. A lot harder to do at 48 than at 28. But it will be cool to take off at 1pm on Friday and get some stuff done. I really need to get out for a hike or something. I am hoping that my hiking pals and I get it together to do the Navajo Mountain/Rainbow Bridge backpack trip in March, so I need to be in some sort of shape! And I have GOT to unearth my treadmill and start using it, now that I have another bedroom!
I was looking forward to our church meeting with the Bishop and discussing the future, but Bishop Talmadges' wife, Barb, is going in for surgery (diverticulitis) so the meeting was cancelled. It feels like so many things are on hold right now...
Working on getting local organization reps to come to my workshop on Community Volunteerism on Feb 6- it is interesting that several people have contacted me wanting to be part of the workshop- some cool groups and others that I haven't ever heard of. Interesting what people think is a worthwhile use of their time and talent. While I enjoy the Celtic Festival, I don't really see them as a likely group for my workshop. Just having a 501(c)3 tax designation doesn't really mean that they are a community group, and raising money for scholarships that "promotes the knowledge of Celtic heritage and history" doesn't really benefit the community, as far as I can see. Anyway, MY workshop, so I get to pick!
Super cold and its' supposed to snow tomorrow- haven't had a flake in a couple of weeks, but there is still snow piled up on the sidewalks and roadside. It is very interesting trying to pick up dog poop when it is frozen to a snow bank! Poor Bubba needs some exercise in the worst way, but it is too cold for me right now. I suck.
Everything is back to normal with my folks, it seems. They are eager to completely ignore the crisis of the past month and go on as before. Unbelievable. They really live in their own little world- no wonder I am so screwed up.
I have been reading a bit about the Simplicity movement- no, not going off the grid, but slowing down and shifting my attention from things to relationships. I know that I am sick to death with filling my time and my soul with things that must be purchased, paid for and maintained. I know when I was a teenager, I saw how my family was enslaved to our "stuff" and I never aspired to that level of ..."stuff ownership"? Like the huge house, many cars, horses, etc. (OK, I have too many bicycles- I will get rid of at least 1 this year!). It is interesting to see that even with a much smaller scale life, I still have plenty of stuff that owns me.
So I am going to try to simplify and live life on a smaller scale- more entertaining at home, backpacking or hiking with friends, spending time on causes I support and doing other things that matter to me: praying, reading, thinking and trying to figure out what the rest of my life needs to be about. When I figure that out, I will post it here...

Hey baby, its' cold outside...

A brisk walk home for lunch confirmed it- it is cold out! Okay, not Minnesota cold but pretty darn chilly for Northern AZ. In the 20s, but the wind makes it feel a lot colder than that.
Given the outside temps, I was glad to hear that the plans for the Flagstaff Shelter will go forward. Soon maybe, there will be a warm place for folks to sleep. I can't get out of my mind the thought of people sleeping outdoors in this- my dogs don't even want to go outside. I pray that Flagstaff gets it together regarding its' public policy toward homelessness and poverty in general.
The weekend was somewhat eventful- we moved Jamie into her dorm room on Saturday. It is really quiet again in my house. Luke and I are very companionable, and tend to read a lot, whereas with Jamie there is a lot of talking and liveliness. I got used to her being home again, and now she is gone (sorta). We had dinner together last night in the Union, as I was working a late shift at the Reference Desk (6-9pm). So I got to see her new dorm room all set up, and experience the student eating situation. My kids joked about how all the NAU recruiters that came to their school (NPA) said that NAU had the best food. But they must be right, as everything was delish! The heck with the Freshman 15, bring on the Senior 60! It is hard to eat healthy when the healthy options are located right next to the brownies and pasta...
As usual, the first week of classes include lots of little glitches and non-problems that require attention- don't feel like I'm getting a lot done this week, but I will keep plugging away!
I put an ad in the paper to sell my car last week- listed it at Blue Book- and not one call yet. I am anxious to get underway with my debt reorganization, but can't start anything or enter into payment arrangements until I have some cash from selling the car- oh, well. In Gods' time.
Speaking of Him, I am praying that he soften my heart. I am so judgemental and carry a grudge, even though I know that that is not what pleases Him. And I am such a hypocrite (I can't spell it, but I are one ;) I make myself want to throw up. God help me to walk the talk...

From deaths' door to driving to the mall

Yep, the crisis appears to have passed and Pops drove to the mall to shop yesterday. Arrgh! I am very glad that I sent in the Request for Re-examination to the DMV. But I am glad that he is doing better, and is actually eating a little. I didn't really realize what a drama-queen my Mom can be. Or maybe she just needed someone that she could voice the worst-case scenarios to. I need to remember that in the future.
Drama with Jamie moving into the dorms- her roommate asked her to switch rooms so that her roommate from last semester can move back in (her best friend, who apparently was not going to return this semester but changed her mind at the last minute). I told Jamie that this happens all the time, but she needs to find out what the University procedure is about changing assisned roommates- she needs to do this right, since she wants to be a Resident Assistant in the fall. Also, she has a lot of apps out with that room as the address. This could be a valuable experience for her when she interviews, and a real opportunity to show maturity and empathy. We will see how this shakes out when we start to move her tomorrow.
The ad for my car appears today- I hope to get it sold by the end of the month, so that I can get on with my life. Going to run some errands and get a For Sale sign to stick in the window, too. Probably ought to drive it until it sells, so people can see it. My bike mechanic (and landlord) put studs in the tires of my little foldable bike, Pixie (now aka Spike) and I rode into work yesterday- riding in snow and ice is an acquired skill, but I felt pretty stable with the spikes. There are really just a few months where this is problamatic, and I am fortunate that simply walking to work is doable (no more than 20 minutes, when the sidewalks aren't cleared- about 12 door to door in good weather). I also had a blast the day I snow-shoed to work.
Lots to do today, so I better get on it!

Harsh!

Wow, that last post was harsh, even for me! But it does sort of put out there what all of us who are dealing with elderly parents feel. It hasn't been so long since my Grandma died, and my mom was so frustrated about that whole situation. And despite the joking that we are all becoming our mother, it seems like it is just not registering. Oh well. As Ghandi said "Let me be the change that I hope to see in the world". As Shanybu says "You're old, get used to it".
My ad to sell my car debuts in tomorrows' paper- feels like a crappy time to try to sell it. With the winter weather upon us, and the car being parked outside, it is impossible to keep it really clean either inside or out. But it costs me $200+ per month just to sit there, even not driving it (insurance, registration, and depreciation). I will be glad when Lotta (cuz she cost me a lotta money and took me a lotta places) finds her new home and I can quit having anxiety attacks about going car-free. As my landlord pointed out, 90% of the world does not have cars and they get by just fine. And it is not as though I live in BFE. 95% of the time, the places that I go and the things that I do are within a 2 mile radius of my home. Between bicycle, bus, cab and the Amtrak I can travel pretty independently. I just need to suck it up and quit worrying about it already!

The week before the semester begins...

Always turns out much busier than you plan for. My schedule has filled up with last-minute meetings, etc. I was looking forward to getting back to some real work- moving offices for myself and everyone else in the Library pretty much shot 12/17- 1/4. Oh well.
I have had the killer "creeping crud" since the weekend- enough to drown me, it would seem. A friend who is a nurse advocates not using decongestants and other symptom relievers, and letting the virus run it's course. This should lead to a quicker recovery since, theoretically, you are not prolonging the cold by repressing the symptoms. I must say, I think it is working. But if I hadn't had a compelling reason to want to recover quick, I would have gone the "repress the symptoms" route!
I have also been working hard, since it may be that I need to make a quick trip to CA. My step-dad was sent home from the hospital on Monday, and my Mom seems pretty overwhelmed with caring for him. They sent an almost 80 year old man home with a trachia and a feeding tube, with an inexperienced 70 year old caregiver. He is also malnourished (115 pounds- down from his usual 135), and cannot digest the liquid meals that he has to have, since he cannot eat or swallow. Basically, my mother says that it takes 3-4 hours for him to be able to digest 2 tablespoons of liquid, so that he can have some more. And no one showed her how to administer plastic coated capsule-type pills, so she got it clogged in the feeding tube (you are supposed to open these and drop the granuals down the tube, since the tube cannot dissolve the plastic). Major incident, requiring her to dig it out (don't ask me how) after an emergency call to the hospital. Also, no home-health care nurse, the bed that was delivered was awful, the wrong food was delivered, etc. Mom is pretty sure that she is going to do something that is gonna kill him.
Still, I have made up my mind that they need to struggle with this on their own for awhile, so that they can see the changes they need to make, regarding downsizing their home and possessions to something manageable, getting rid of stuff, and arranging for help (be that a visiting nurse, a support group, a cleaning lady, meals on wheels or whatever). I saw so often with my Grandma and Aunt Julia that family would fly to help them when there was a crisis, then everything would stabilize, and the old folks would just go back to their old situation and way of living, regardless of how much they agreed that they needed to move, or get some help, or whatever. I am not at all unsympathetic, but I can't enable this either. I don't have the time, the vacation, the money or the patience to coddle them along for the next 20 years. Insistence on continuing to live the way they always have, despite clear evidence that that is no longer possible is the height of selfishness and not caring about their partner or other people. And the good news is that the mass they biopsied was non-cancerous...
So, I am willing and available to help them move, sort and pack, etc. Help find assisted living or nursing facilities. Research how this can be paid for, or what Medicare and their insurance supplement will pay for. Come for a visit more often. But I will not be an unpaid nursing attendent and enable this to continue.

The blizzard and the counselor

Here in the Northern climes we got hit this weekend with a good dumping snow storm. It started with rain early Saturday, then turned to snow. Estimates are that we have received at least 10", with 10" more expected today. Everything shut down in Flag, except NAU. We kept up on our snow removal efforts around the house and made sure that the car was dug out before we went to bed last night, as I had a 7am appointment (my first) with the credit counselor.
When I awoke at 5:30am, the reflection from the snow through my window indicated that we had received a bunch more snow overnight. Trying to let the dog out to go potty, there was a good 8" piled on the back steps- no walkways were visible, etc. I went to rouse Luke to begin digging us out. He did a good job, and I was able to get out to the street for my trip across town.
The trip across town was an adventure, but the main drags were well plowed. I located the building I needed to go to, but had to wait for the snowplow to clear the lot so that I could park. I was amazed to see that the office was open and the lights were on- I had checked both my office and cell phone voicemail to see if the appointment was cancelled before leaving home, but I half expected that no one would be there due to the weather. I was heartened to see that I could at last get going on this.

Hooray for First Friday!

Here in Flagstaff, we have what is called the First Friday ArtWalk. Being a cool, hippie, artsy-fartsy sorta place, Flag has a monthly showing of offerings by local artists, writers, musicians, adventure athletes, etc. Local businesses and galleries "feature" a different artist and host an open viewing and reception with snacks, wine, home-brew etc. Free and open to the public. A great time to get out and mingle with friends. My house, being just a few blocks from downtown, is a great place to gather and head out as a group (or singly, if it is really cold and everyone poops out!) to check it out. Forecast is saying snow tonite, so we will see who is willing to brave the elements in the name of Art.
Our office move is almost complete- everyone is breathing a collective sigh of relief. Does anyone really enjoy moving? I love it when it is done, and I am doing the fun part- finding places for all my stuff. Right now, I have my PC set up on a work table, a half-empty bookcase and file cabinet, and no phone. My new space has no carpeting, nothing but bare walls and a few chairs. I will be glad when I can bring back all my "personal stuff" that I had to take home prior to the move...
News on the parent front: step-dad has had a feeding tube inserted in his stomach, and will be sent home with it- my Mom had to get instruction on how to feed him. This does not sound good to me. And a hospital bed will be delivered to their home the day he is released (some weird MediCare thing says that it cannot be delivered prior to his release- like someone would sleep in the thing if they didn't have to. Honestly!) Yesterday I went the California DMV site and downloaded the forn asking the DMV to call him in for a re-evaluation. After talking to my Mom last night, it looks like it is doubtful he is going to recover enough to make this an issue. But I will send in the form anyway. I can always say that I sent it in right after I returned home from Christmas. And if he does improve, I will at least have started the ball rolling to get him to stop driving.
I, like a binge-drinker on New Years Eve, have been driving everywhere as I anticipate being car-free (not car-less, car-free). I do laugh at myself. I am hoping that part of this endeavor will be to show people that it is not as difficult as they might imagine to scale down their driving, or only have one car per family. I also hope that with more people choosing not to drive, more mass-transit options become available. I do not want to "have" to drive when I am older (I'm 48). I am lucky to live somewhere that has transit and walkable communities. I also have lots of support from my middle-class friends, who probably relish having this hippie type friend (who actually lives "downtown"--gasp!) If you saw what passes for downtown Flagstaff you would laugh your ass off. But I digress.
Getting back on my bike will (hopefully) help with another problem I am having- fitting into my pants! This morning, I tried on 2 pair before I found one that (sorta) fit. I am about 30 pounds above my marathon weight of 19 months ago (see blog picture). If there weren't already a blog called Fat Cyclist (hey, Elden!) that would be the name of mine.

Back to the grind

Back to work after a brief holiday vacation. Lots going on in the office- everyone has been moving into new "group spaces"- basically forced out of private offices and into strange and random spaces that were never meant to be office space. Huh? I am not sure what this is supposed to accomplish, but am trying to keep an open mind, and thanking God that my co-habitors are longtime teammates and co-workers. Some folks are moving into spaces with people they don't like- that would suck!
Big news on the parent-front: as my folks were getting ready to leave for their annual couples New Years in Laughlin, NV (these folks are mostly in their late 70s!), my step-dad could not breathe so my Mom took him to the UCSD Medical Center. There, they performed a trachiotomy on him so that he could breathe. His vocal cords were inflamed, and there was a "weird, but we are pretty sure it isn't cancer" mass in his esophogus that the doctor sent out for biopsy- because of the holidays, results aren't expected back until the week of the 7th. So, Pops is in ICU at UCSD for now.
Getting things ready for going car-free: sent the kid up to the attic to locate the headrests and cargo shade for the car, I hit the bumper with touch-up paint (after washing) and will locate the pink-slip from a box of personal stuff I brought home from work. I also had my landlord (who owns a bike shop in back of my house) put studs in the tires of my foldable bike so that I can ride when it is icy (the little bike means I have less distance to the ground if I fall!). I need to sell my road bike and my mountain bike- I never ride them, and they were expensive so I might as well get my money out of them (plan to purchase an Xtracycle for my Breezer- that should address issues like big grocery shopping and lunch deliveries for the Food Kitchen).
Interesting reactions from people I have told about going car-free: either they rush to tell me why they can't do the same (I am the first to admit that only my present circumstances permit me to even consider it) or they offer to lend me their vehicle, or they try to throw situations in my face where I would HAVE TO HAVE A CAR! Funny, everyone thinks that once your car is paid for (like mine is) that the expenses stop or become really minimal. Here is how it breaks down for me:
Current vehicle value: $10,800 (2002 Subaru Legacy wagon, 57k miles)

Depreciation- $1000 (minimum)
Registration- $190
Insurance- $1000
Gas- $1636 (12k/per, 22mpg, $3gal)
Minimal maintenance- $300 (oil change, tune up, etc.)
Major maintenance- $1200 (60k overhaul- should hit 60k in 4-6 months)
New tires- $400 (would need these sometime in the next 12 months)

Cost to drive this vehicle for the next year- $5826 ($485.50 per month)

So, selling the car means:
$10,800 sale price ($7000 toward bills)
$5826 savings

As I've told my friends- I can rent alot of cars and take alot of cabs for close to $6000 bucks...